Man v. loofah

I nervously walked in the store with my head down. I quickly scanned the shelves and grabbed the first thing that looked like it would do the job. Naturally, it had a naked woman on the label. I tried to avoid eye contact with the cashier as I made my purchase and quickly exited the store.

That's right, I recently purchased my first loofah.

Whenever the topic of my shower routine comes up in conversation, many people are surprised when I tell them I use liquid soap and my hands on my skin. It's dirty and inefficient, many people tell me before asking why, once again, I'm talking about my shower routine.

My counter to the dirty argument has always been my hands are covered in soap, so they clean as they get clean. The efficiency argument I had no answer to, however. I regularly see streaks of soap on the shower walls, like someone shot Pop-N-Fresh at close range.

So, at the suggestion of my girlfriend, my grand poobah of the loofah, I decided to change up my bathing routine.

My favorite part is getting the loofah started. I drop the soap right in the heart of the loofah, like the kill-shot on the Death Star. Then, I furiously start scrubbing until the lather appears. Now I know how the cavemen felt when their flints sparked a fire.

Once I was done loofah-ing, I didn't really feel any different. My skin felt a little raw, actually. Maybe you have to break in a loofah like a baseball glove. I also smelled, and therein is my biggest problem with the loofah.

Have you ever been inside Bath and Body Works? I direct this question to guys, because all women are required by law to have at least one item from the store in their bathrooms. I can sum up the store in two words: Dark. Forest. That's one of their scents. Why anyone would want to smell like pine needles and animal droppings is beyond me. Plus, dark forests are scary.

The scents for guys aren't that much better. "Fever." "Snakeskin." "Excite." "Thai Massage." And that's just from Axe. (Incidentally, certain guys will pay a little extra as they finish up the Thai Massage bottle.) Other companies offer "Clean," "Fresh" and "Clean and Fresh" scents.

I know I'm not the first person to say this, but if I want to smell after my shower, I'll put on some cologne. Real men wear unscented deodorant, too.

So I'm going to continue using my loofah, just not everyday. Of course, that could change. I'll be happy to keep you updated.