Bye bye, reason

            Note: Some names have been changed to protect the innocent.

            “Ohhh,” Danny said as they pulled up. “All this time I thought it was called ‘Goodbye Baby.’”

            “No, it’s ‘Good Buy Baby,’” Belle said.

            “See, that makes more sense. I thought the other way was a strange message to send to expecting parents.”

            “I want to get a stroller and a carrier but let’s look around and see what else they have here.”

            They entered the store and the smell of baby hit Danny’s nose right away. He grabbed a cart as Belle led the way, carrying a baby products’ guidebook. They turned into the area with the bottles.

            “We’re looking for a Zyzu,” Belle said. “The book says it’s top-rated.”

            “Look at all these nipples,” Danny said in amazement.

            One part of the display was floor-to-ceiling with bottle tops. Some tops were made for newborns, some promised to let the baby control the liquid flow, some claimed to fit any bottle.

            “I had no idea,” he said.

            Belle continued to read her book.

            “I mean, how do you even know which top is best?” Danny said.

            “‘The Zyzu is the most realistic of the bottle tops we tested,’” Belle read. “‘Its contours were developed from an analysis of 10,000 female nipples.’”

            “I knew ‘breast inspector’ was an actual job!” he thought.

            “We should get that and find another one,” Belle continued. “The baby might not like the Zyzu.”

            The packaging for each bottle and top seemed to have a photo of the same, large-headed smiling baby. He or she had chubby cheeks and bare shoulders.

            “What about this one?” Danny asked.

            “Dr. Green’s,” Belle said reading the label. “I’ve heard good things about this brand.”

            They left the bottle section and came upon a display featuring breast pump bags. A small television monitor showed a woman in a business suit emptying the bag’s contents on her desk.

            “I’m going to get a bag from someone else,” Belle said.

            “They make special bags?” Danny said.

            “Yes, with pockets to keep the breast milk cold,” Belle said.

            They continued on to breast-feeding pillows.

            “Oooh, look at this cover!”

            Belle handed Danny the small package.

            “Owls?”

            Belle stared at Danny.

            “Oh, right, owls,” he said. “This will go very nicely with our owl theme.”

            He put it in their cart and Belle went to look at some clothes. Danny wandered into the diaper accessory area.

            “I wonder if I could use the butt paste,” he thought.

            Suddenly, he felt something run into his leg and then move in front of him.

            “Rowan!”

            Danny looked to his right. A woman with tired eyes was looking toward his feet. He could hear a baby making noise from the carrier in the shopping cart.

            “Rowan! Get over here!”

            “I want this,” Rowan said, holding out a travel-sized container of baby powder.

            “Put it back,” the woman said.

            “I want this!”

            “What did mommy say earlier about being a good boy? If you don’t behave here, no ice cream later.”

            “I want ice cream!”

            “Then put it back.”

            Rowan put the powder back and ran back toward his mom.

            Danny pushed his cart away and found Belle, who had made it over to the bath and bathing section. She put a foam whale in their cart.

            “What’s that for?” Danny asked.

            “It’s for when we kneel down by the tub while giving her a bath,” she said.

            “Wow, they think of everything.”

            “We also have a whale cover for the bathtub faucet.”

            “Do we need bags for our diaper pail?”

            “No, it’s bag-less.”

            “Bag-less? How is that possible?”

            “It just is,” Belle said. “Let’s go look at strollers.”

            The strollers were stacked on two shelves in a large section of the store. It reminded Danny of seeing bikes at the toy store when he was a boy.

            “We’re looking for a Zyzu,” Belle said.

            “They make strollers, too?”

            “The carriers were designed based on an analysis of how 10,000 people cradled their newborns,” Belle said.

            “This company is good.”

            “Can I help you?”

            Danny and Belle turned around and saw a rail-thin saleswoman who did not look any older than 16.

            “Yeah,” Danny said, “we’re looking for a Zyzu stroller and carrier set.”

            “Excellent choice,” she said. “Let me show you what we have.”

            She led them to a corner of the showroom where three strollers were set up.

            “Zyzu makes three models – a deluxe, a sporty and a basic,” she said. “They all have the latest safety features and are easy to set up and break down.”

            “What’s the difference in the models?” Belle asked.

            “It’s primarily in the carrier,” the saleswoman replied. “The deluxe has extra cushioning and is made with space-age materials, so it’s significantly lighter.”

            Danny picked up the carrier and did a few arm curls.

            “Does it mean it’s significantly more expensive, too?” he asked.

            “It’s a little pricier,” the saleswoman replied. “The sporty model costs a little less and is our best-seller. The primary difference is it weighs a little more.”

            She put her foot on a pedal near the back wheel to demonstrate how it closed. Then she set it up again and popped two plastic inserts into the frame of the stroller.

            “All you do,” she said, picking up the carrier, “is pop the this right into the inserts.”

            The carrier was now one with the stroller, and the saleswoman showed them how they could put a cover over the carrier and where they could store their things on and within the stroller.

            “I like it,” Belle said.

            “Me, too. This is the one I have,” the saleswoman said.

            Danny shot Belle a look of bewilderment.

            “It’s real easy and very durable,” the saleswoman continued.

            “It’s not too heavy?” Belle asked.

            “It takes a little getting used to the carrier but it’s fine,” she replied. “And, usually, once it gets too heavy to carry, that means the baby has outgrown the carrier.”

            “OK great, thanks. Do you have car seat bases?”

            “Yup, right over there.”

            Danny grabbed two bases and dropped them into the cart.

            “She has a kid?” he whispered as they walked away. “She’s young enough to be our kid.”

            “Yeah, she was pretty young.”

            “And so little. Her arms were like pencils.”

            “Yeah, she was little.”

            They walked toward the checkout line.

            “Well, I guess if she can have a baby, we can have a baby,” Danny said.

            “Yeah, we’ll be fine,” Belle said, grabbing some child-sized hangers near the checkout line. “Oh, I wanted to get a couple blankets.”

            They turned the cart around and headed toward the blankets. Another couple was already there. The man had a pouch over his shoulders and on his chest, an infant’s limbs barely peeking out from the holes. The woman, pushing the cart, moved slowly and quietly, her hair trying to escape a loose ponytail.

            They didn’t talk to one another so much as gesture and point. The man rocked back and forth gently, rubbing the back of the carrier. The woman put a blanket in her cart and the two continued on slowly.

            “They’re like zombies,” Danny thought.

            “You like this blanket?” Belle asked.

            “It’s got elephants on it, so of course I do.”

            Belle gave him a kiss on his cheek.

            “Promise me we won’t become zombies,” he said.

            “What?”

            “Just promise we won’t become zombies or stressed-out parents.”

            “I won’t become stressed out so long as you behave,” she said, turning back toward the checkout.

            “Fair enough,” Danny said.

            Their total came to $507.24, but with coupons was only $380.11.