ID, please

I lost my gym membership card on a recent Sunday. Thought I put it in the pocket of a jacket I stuffed in a gym locker before working out, but couldn't find it when I got home.

My immediate concern was having to identify myself and get a "guest pass" every time I went to the gym until I could get a new card. I understand it's a security measure, and I'm all for keeping track of who is coming and going.

What makes it annoying is I've seen pretty much the same security people every time I enter the gym the last three years. Shouldn't they know my face by now? That I'm not trouble, except for the track that I tear up regularly with my 10-to-11-minute miles?

My job requires me to go into a courthouse almost daily. A few of the guards recognize me and allow me to enter without going through the metal detector. Some of the guards recognize me but still have me put my bag on the X-ray machine, which is fine.

But one guard is different. At least once every few months we'll have this conversation before I have to pass through security.

Guard: Are you a lawyer?

Me [smiling]: No, I'm a reporter.

Guard: Oh, OK. I see you here all the time.

Really? Then why do I feel like I'm starring in Groundhog Day 2? Just let me pass through and we can both go on our way.

Whenever I got a new card, it would be my second one in less than six months. It's one of those small ones designed to fit on a key chain. At this point, you're probably thinking to yourself, "I wonder if Danny is a lawyer?" You might also be wondering why I didn't attach my card to my key chain.

Call me a purist, but I think only keys and remotes related to keys, fobs included. A key chain is a pocket puncture wound waiting to happen without cards on it; let's not add sharp-edged plastic to the equation. Plus, I fear one card will be a gateway drug to a key chain full of cards, photos, a Swiss Army knife, beer opener, and, heaven forbid, another key chain.

That I needed a new card so soon after losing an old one was also a blow to my psyche. To say I'm routine-oriented would be an understatement. Some friends and family could tell you what day of the week it is based on what I ate for dinner. Bedtime is only after I read the funny pages. I always support a point I'm making in writing with three examples.

And I either put my gym card in my jacket or gym bag when I go work out. If my system fails, then I fail, and before you know it, I'm forgetting to eat dinner altogether.

But when I finally got my new card, I realized it was a chance to start a new routine. And keeping this card in my wallet is guaranteed to work for the rest of eternity.

I was all ready to try out my new system tonight. Then, this morning, I put on a jacket and dug my hands into the pockets. My left hand pulled out my old gym card.

See? The system never fails.