Bagel bit

I remember the day my life changed temporarily forever like it was yesterday. Actually, it was the day before yesterday.

I was in my kitchen, fixing myself a bagel with peanut butter and jelly. The bagel was toasted to a crisp but wasn't burnt. I like my bagels to come out of the toaster colored various shades of brown, so it looks like they have spots that should be checked out by a dermatologist.

(Also, it should be noted, I put my bagels in a toaster, not a toaster oven. One of the single best purchases I made for my home.)

I had my bagel halves on the plate and was beginning to spread on my smooth peanut butter. To all you chunky peanut butter advocates, I'll explain why you're wrong next week. Consider it my "rebutteral," if you will.

Anyways, my left hand was on the bagel as my right hand began to spread the peanut butter. I can't remember if my left hand was moving the bagel in a circular motion or I was repositioning my grip; frankly, my memory is kind of hazy.

Because what happened next is something that has never happened to me in 20-plus years of spreading stuff on bagels: I cut my finger. Specifically, I got a bad paper cut on the tip of my left, middle finger. It took at least a tenth of a paper towel to staunch the bleeding.

My cousin summed up my ordeal nicely when I told him about it: an act of betrayal. Stunned, I proceeded to eat the bagel almost out of spite.

Needless to say, I've been extra careful with bagels since. I've also learned to cope with my injury, and in the process gained a new appreciation for my injured finger. I'm right-handed and never realized how much I use my left hand. Grabbing things is very difficult, especially since the middle finger is usually the first to make contact with an object.

The toughest thing to do? Floss. When I'm exploring the crevasses along my bottom molars, I typically use the left, middle finger to drive the floss between the teeth. Now, I'm forced to use my index finger instead, and I can feel the gum disease developing.

The other difficulty is with typing. It hurts to push down on certain keys on the keyboard, particularly the letter "E." I'm glad I'm not writing about the collection of livestock a former former Buffalo Bills receiver keeps near a river. Because "Don Beebe's sheep by the creek" might have driven me to file a worker's compensation claim.

My point is, you should be thanking me for sucking it up and writing this. But as a token of my appreciation for you all being such loyal readers, I'm going to give a prize to the 1,000th person to view my blog.

I think I have some bagels in my fridge.